Not Everyone Passes The Interview & They’re Not Supposed To!| 3 min read

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He didn’t pass the interview, but he settled into my house, drank my juice & enjoyed the fruit of my labours. 😢

Billy 1.0* (there are 3.5 Billy’s I have dated and now a reason I don’t date Billy’s EVER)

Billy was an actual boyfriend
Who didn’t even pass the interview, yet I let him get the converted job of boyfriend
He had a job (wow progress the last one didn’t)
He owned his own home (oh my, he doesn’t live with his mum)
And would compliment me (wow, amazing)
But he was such a tool
Yes let’s call a tool a tool
Now you’re probably asking yourself what is with all this name calling what does that make me
Well, to be honest, I was nursing some wounds and I was UNHEALED
I mean come on…
The guy would never apologise
The guy would do a no-show
The guy would be rude AF
And I would be all like, it’s ok, it happens
I would be grateful and think well…
At least he doesn’t call me names
At least he doesn’t beat me
And least he compliments me
I needed to be reminded that I am pretty?
Because I felt so…
Ugly
Fat
Stupid
Was this need for external validation worth it?
At what cost did this NEED to feel pretty come at?
Did the years of abuse where I felt worthless really just crop up in this relationship?
YES!
Any crumbs that this guy would give me, I would make it into a slice of bread and eat it all up
But at what cost?
I started to believe I wasn’t worthy of his time
I started to believe that his time was more precious than mine
These beliefs were from the evidence of my reality
I didn’t make it up
I didn’t imagine it
And I sure as heck didn’t manifest it
It was my story, I owned it, lived it but it was starting to own me
So why was this happening to me?
I had been vulnerable (my walls were down)
This guy knew my story
Knew what I went through
And maybe that was one of the issues
Not everyone deserves to hear your story

A post shared by Ruth-Ellen (@theruthellen) on

Brene Brown articulated it so well on Oprah “Who has earned the right to hear the story and with whom am I in a relationship with who can bear the weight of the story”
Lesson: Share your scars
Not your open wounds
Dating is like an interview for a job
No way would half of the candidates get appointed if we healed our wounds and said no to those that are unqualified

So how did I heal? A whole lot of dirty inner work which started off with taking responsibility and accepting who I am. Transformation isn’t clean, it can be a hot mess, but boy is it worth it.

*ex’s name has been changed because I didn’t want to give him props, not to protect his identity 😝

Remember Be Love, Be Brave, Be You!

Ruth-Ellen x 🎯

 

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