Emotions are a double-edged sword. They can motivate us to take action, connect deeply with others, and achieve great things. But when emotions run high, they can also push us into unhelpful, even destructive behaviours. Have you ever found yourself avoiding a challenge because fear got the best of you? Or withdrawing from loved ones when sadness took over?
If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone—and you’re not powerless. A powerful skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) called Opposite Action can help you flip the script on emotional overwhelm. By purposefully choosing behaviours that go against your emotional instincts, you can break free from maladaptive patterns, regain control, and align your actions with your goals.
This guide will take you deep into what Opposite Action is, how to use it, and why it works. Plus, you’ll get practical steps for handling five common emotions—fear, sadness, anger, guilt, and jealousy—so you can start implementing this skill today.
Understanding Opposite Action
Opposite Action is exactly what it sounds like: intentionally doing the opposite of what your emotions are urging you to do when those emotions aren’t serving you.
When Maladaptive Behaviors Take Over
Before learning Opposite Action, many people fall into automatic behaviours driven by their emotional states. For example:
- Fear of failure leads to procrastination or avoidance.
- Sadness makes you withdraw from the people who could support you.
- Anger escalates conflicts, damaging relationships.
- Guilt triggers over-apologizing or self-blame.
- Jealousy fosters gossiping or controlling behaviours.
These are known as maladaptive behaviors—responses that might feel natural in the moment but prevent you from adapting effectively to challenges.
When Is Opposite Action Needed?
You need Opposite Action when:
- Your emotions are out of proportion to the situation.
- Your current behaviour isn’t aligned with your values or goals.
- You feel stuck in repetitive, unhelpful patterns.
Example: Imagine you’re angry at a colleague for not meeting a deadline. Your instinct might be to snap or send a harsh email. But if your goal is to maintain a positive working relationship, snapping won’t help. Opposite Action would mean calming yourself down and responding with curiosity or support.
5 Easy Opposite Actions for Common Emotions
Let’s break down how to use Opposite Action for five challenging emotions.
#1 Fear of Failure
Maladaptive Behavior: Avoiding challenges, procrastinating, or hesitating due to self-doubt or perfectionism.
Why It Happens: Fear of failure often stems from unrealistic standards or low self-esteem. You might view failure as a reflection of your worth or worry about disappointing others.
Opposite Action:
- Redefine Failure: Treat failure as feedback, not a verdict on your abilities.
- Take Small Risks: Break big tasks into smaller, manageable steps to build confidence.
- Celebrate Effort: Focus on learning and progress, not just outcomes.
- Seek Accountability: Work with a mentor or buddy who keeps you on track.
Example: Instead of avoiding a high-stakes presentation, start with a practice run. Present to a small, supportive audience to build confidence.
#2 Sadness
Maladaptive Behavior: Withdrawing from social connections or disengaging from activities you enjoy.
Why It Happens: Sadness is a natural response to loss, rejection, or major changes. But when it lingers, it can lead to isolation and worsen emotional pain.
Opposite Action:
- Reach Out: Call or text a trusted friend instead of isolating yourself.
- Move Your Body: Physical activity, like a walk or yoga, can help release feel-good chemicals in your brain.
- Engage in Gratitude: Reflect on the good things in your life, even if they feel small.
- Plan Joyful Activities: Schedule time for hobbies, favorite meals, or music.
Example: If sadness tempts you to cancel plans, show up anyway. Connection, even when you don’t feel like it, can be healing.
#3 Anger
Maladaptive Behavior: Yelling, escalating arguments, or shutting down communication.
Why It Happens: Anger signals perceived injustices, unmet expectations, or a lack of control. Left unchecked, it can damage relationships and your peace of mind.
Opposite Action:
- Pause and Breathe: Step away for a few moments to calm your nervous system.
- Reframe the Situation: Look at the issue from another perspective to reduce its intensity.
- Communicate Clearly: Express your feelings without blaming or attacking.
- Engage in Physical Release: Exercise, stretch, or hug a pillow to release tension.
Example: Instead of yelling at a partner during a disagreement, take a five-minute break to breathe and return with a solution-focused mindset.
#4 Guilt
Maladaptive Behavior: Over-apologizing, ruminating, or avoiding the issue altogether.
Why It Happens: Guilt is a natural response to perceived wrongdoing, but when misplaced or disproportionate, it can lead to self-criticism and paralysis.
Opposite Action:
- Make Amends: Apologize sincerely if needed, then take action to resolve the situation.
- Practice Self-Forgiveness: Treat yourself with the compassion you’d show a friend.
- Reframe Guilt: Ask, “What can I learn from this experience?”
Example: If you’ve hurt someone unintentionally, apologise directly and focus on how to rebuild trust instead of dwelling on the mistake.
#5 Jealousy
Maladaptive Behavior: Gossiping, making assumptions, or becoming overly controlling.
Why It Happens: Jealousy often reflects insecurity, unmet needs, or fear of loss. Left unchecked, it can harm relationships and erode self-esteem.
Opposite Action:
- Celebrate Others: Acknowledge and appreciate others’ successes as proof that success is abundant.
- Focus on Strengths: Write a list of your own accomplishments and read it often.
- Reflect on Triggers: Explore what jealousy reveals about your unmet needs.
Example: If you feel jealous of a colleague’s success, channel that energy into your own goals instead of letting it breed resentment.
The Emotional Reboot Exercise
When emotions feel overwhelming, use the Emotional Reboot Exercise to create a quick reset:
1️⃣ Pause and Name the Emotion: Simply saying, “I feel sad” or “I feel angry” can reduce its intensity.
2️⃣ Set a Timer for 2 Minutes: Allow yourself to feel the emotion fully without judgment. Let it flow without reacting.
3️⃣ Visualise the Opposite Action: Picture yourself taking the opposite action successfully. Imagine the relief, connection, or progress that will follow.
4️⃣ Take One Step: Choose a small, doable action that aligns with the opposite behaviour.
This exercise bridges the gap between feeling stuck and taking action, making it easier to shift gears when emotions threaten to derail you.
The Transformational Power of Opposite Action
? Reclaim Your Emotional Power
Emotions are important signals, but they don’t have to control your life. Opposite Action teaches you to honor your emotions without being ruled by them, creating clarity and resilience.
? Break the Cycle of Maladaptive Behaviors
Repeatedly avoiding, lashing out, or shutting down keeps you trapped in patterns that don’t serve you. Opposite Action breaks these cycles, opening the door to growth and possibility.
? Enhance Leadership and Relationships
Mastering Opposite Action improves your ability to lead and connect with others. It fosters emotional intelligence, which is critical for building trust, resolving conflicts, and inspiring those around you.
Are You Ready to Regulate Your Emotions and Reclaim Your Leadership?
If you’re done with burnout, frustration, and ineffective behaviours, it’s time to elevate your life and leadership with The Regulated AF CEO Program.
This transformational program is designed for six-figure entrepreneurs who are ready to:
✨ Master emotional regulation and self-awareness.
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✨ Lead with confidence, clarity, and balance—without sacrificing freedom.
Here’s what’s waiting for you inside the program:
- Emotional Regulation Mastery: Learn practical tools to manage stress and stay grounded.
- Sustainable Systems: Create workflows that let you scale with ease.
- Aligned Leadership: Show up authentically and inspire your team to do the same.
➡️ Ready to shift from survival mode to thriving leadership? Click here to join The Regulated AF CEO Programme and start leading your life and business with intention.
Your emotions aren’t the problem—they’re the key to your transformation. Let’s unlock your full potential together. ?
Resources:
Download The Opposite Action Workbook
Podcast episode on Opposite Action
Sources:
Dunkley, C. (2020) Regulating Emotion the DBT Way. 1st edn.
Doshi, N. and McGregor, L. (2015) Primed to Perform.