I am blessed to coach people who are ADHD and neurodivergent like myself on a daily basis, but I have noticed authenticity is one of the biggest challenges.
Being authentic means that you act in ways that show your true self and how you feel. Rather than showing people only a particular side of yourself, you express your whole self genuinely. That means to succeed in being authentic, you first have to know who your true self actually is. And this requires self-awareness, mindfulness, and self-acceptance.Psychology Today
And so here lies the challenge…
1. Self-Acceptance is not something that comes easy “
Because self acceptance to a person with ADHD includes being ok with being different, which is different.
And being different has somehow been taught as something to be ashamed about
Because being different comes with labels which often accompanies being ridiculed
And it’s not just a “limiting belief” 🤦♀️
Different pots of society have actually a person with ADHD like they don’t belong
That their lived experiences are not valid
Acceptance is a word that they just don’t see modelled on a daily basis
This causes many ADHD people to be inauthentic
Not because they are fake
But because they just grow tired of conflict from not being accepted
And they just want to get on with it
So they wear ADHD masks of protection
These masks create maladaptive beahviours that actually keep you in the box of shame
2. They can be hyper-vigilant, be avoidant and have a need for control because the world has taken so much of their power away.
This in turn means that they judge self, others and circumstances
Below I have shared a couple of the way this plays out.
😓 Always anxious, with chronic doubts about self and others.
😓Extraordinary sensitivity, with traits of rejection sensitivity.
😓 The constant expectation of mishap or danger.Suspicious of what others are up to.
😓 Might seek reassurance and guidance in procedures, rules, authorities, institutions.
😓 Avoids conflict and says yes to things one wouldn’t want.
😓 Downplays the importance of real problems and tries to deflect others.
😓 Has difficulty saying no.
😓 Resists others through passive-aggressive means rather than directly.
😓 Loses self in comforting routines and habits; procrastinates on unpleasant tasks.
😓Strong energy and the need to control and take charge.
😓 Connect with others through competition, challenge, physicality, or conflict rather than softer emotions.
😓 Willful, confrontational, straight talker.Comes alive when doing the impossible and beating the odds.
😓 Stimulated by and connects through conflict.
😓 In-your-face communication interpreted by others as anger or criticism.
You get the idea…
3. They self-sabotage themselves subconsciously
The function of your subconscious mind is to store and retrieve data.
It’s job is to ensure that you respond exactly the way you are programmed.
Your subconscious mind makes everything you say and do fit a pattern consistent with your self-concept.
If your self-concept AKA what you believe about yourself is negative then you’re setting yourself up to lose, time and time again
This is why habits don’t stick if you don’t address the pattern
It’s the subconscious that needs rewiring in order to achieve your goals.
The more aware you are of your subconscious beliefs, the better you will become at accessing them.
Because your subconscious beliefs can sabotage your conscious efforts.
Do I know all this from reading about this online?… well yes and…over 10 years of working in this space, plus coaching people through it as well my lived experience
So what is the solution?
Reprogram your subconscious mind
How do you start?
By using science & psychology
1. Intercept your subconscious before the event so you plan for sabotage and nip it in the bud before it happens
2. Use meditation to reprogram your subconscious
3. Make it a habit that is easy to measure
I have found a way to combine all of this 👆 based on cognitive & positive psychology, neuroscience & performance science
It’s called Positive Intelligence
And it increases your mental fitness
What Is Mental Fitness?
It’s your capacity to respond to life’s challenges with a positive rather than a negative mindset.
The impact of increasing your mental fitness…
💥 Improved Performance💥 Improved Relationships💥 Improved Well-Being
If you want to know more visit this link for the ADHD Mental Fitness program
Ruth-Ellen ‘Mental Fitness is the factor’ Danquah
P.S My Authentic & Aligned connections bundle helps you to…
👉 Discover your authenticity code so that you can create intentional & empowering connections
👉 Learn how to powerfully identify the subconscious drivers which are keeping at the most shallow end of the friendship pool & how to shift this !
👉 Discover my simple 3 step system to psychologically attract, retain & cultivate authentic friendships on a daily basis
👉 Grab the authentic & aligned workbook to help you to follow along
👉 Plus be guided through a powerful visualisation so that you can create new neural pathways towards authentic & aligned connections