When you people please it’s another ADHD mask of protection to help you fit in, so how do you stop being please when you have ADHD?
Let’s dive more into why it happens
Individuals with ADHD may be particularly susceptible to people-pleasing behaviour due to certain underlying factors. ADHD is characterized by difficulties with executive functioning, such as impulsivity, inattention, and poor self-regulation. These challenges can contribute to a heightened need for external validation and a fear of rejection or disapproval.
Moreover, living with ADHD often brings a sense of feeling different or inadequate. People-pleasing can be an attempt to compensate for perceived shortcomings and gain a sense of belonging or acceptance in social settings. The desire to fit in and avoid criticism or judgment can lead individuals with ADHD to prioritize the needs and expectations of others over their own.
How Executive Function Response Inhibition Plays a Part
Executive function response inhibition, a cognitive process that involves inhibiting impulsive responses, plays a significant role in people-pleasing behavior. Individuals with ADHD may struggle with response inhibition, making it challenging to think before acting or saying yes to every request.
The difficulty in regulating impulsive reactions can lead to a pattern of automatically saying yes without considering the impact on one’s own priorities, time, and well-being. This lack of response inhibition can make it challenging for individuals with ADHD to set boundaries, assert themselves, and prioritize their own needs.
In conclusion, people-pleasing behavior is a common struggle for individuals with ADHD. Understanding the underlying motivations and the role of executive function response inhibition can help in developing strategies to overcome this tendency and establish healthier boundaries. In the subsequent sections, we will explore practical tips and techniques to stop people-pleasing behaviour when living with ADHD.
How do I know how to stop being a people-pleaser?
Because I used to say yes to taking on clients when inside I meant no… people pleaser sign
I would change my outfit whenever my partner (now ex) would say that my clothes weren’t appropriate… people pleaser sign
I would look at my calendar and realise only 10% of the things that featured on it were actually moving my life goals forward… major people pleaser sign!
I am a recovering people pleaser
Being a people pleaser was actually doing me more harm than good
But it was a survival mechanism to feel accepted by others
And if you’re reading this then you know that this is what is happening to you too, here’s the good news, you are going to learn how to stop being a people-pleaser
Here’s the even better news, because of these techniques you can start to experience all of this 👇
👉 More time and energy for self care so you can bring more joy
👉 Saying no becomes less scary, it actually feels empowering
👉 Stress reduction because you are not ignoring your own needs
👉 More unconditional love because people that are only there for you based on your actions will drop off byt the wayside #byebyefakefriends
In video #3 of the Release series let’s talk about
✔️ How people pleasing shows up in your everyday
✔️ 5 techniques that help you eradicate people-pleasing you can try today
✔️ And my 6 step framework that helps you to ascertain the gaps in your self-esteem and self-image
3 Tips On How To Stop Being A People-Pleaser
1. Get clarity on your priorities
When you get clarity on what is important to you and how it elevates your life it get’s a whole lot easier to say no to other people’s agendas.
2. SAY “CAN I GET BACK TO YOU”
When you give yourself time to think about whether you can fulfil the request of another person you give yourself a chance to make better decisions. When we stretech ourself thin we stress ourself out, does it make sense to be stressed to make another person happy?
3. repeat back there request
Chris Voss Masterclass on Negotiation is one of my top 3 masterclasses. Here’s one of Chris’s golden nuggets of wisdom…Asking a why-question actually triggers a defensive, accusatory response. Meanwhile what and how helps a person feel they are in control.
Here are some examples…
How am I supposed to do that?
What’s going to happen if I do that?
How do I overcome the challenges that I have here?
They are the same question, asking from 3 different angles, which in turn triggers empathy
5 Quotes To Stop People Pleasing
“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.”Shannon L. Alder
“In trying to please all, he had pleased none.”Aesop, Aesop’s Fables
I want to do good, and I want people to be happy, and sometimes when you’re a people pleaser, you spread yourself too thinTika Sumpter
As much as I don’t want to admit it, I really am a people pleaser. If I throw a party at my house, it’s hard for me to relax. I’m too obsessed with whether everyone’s having a good time.Rachael Harris
“Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?”Brigham Young
It costs you money, time and energy being a people pleaser.
I help high achieving ADHD professionals (including neurodivergent’s) to stop people-pleasing as part of my work.
I equip you with tools to cope with trauma, adversity, and hardship.
I reprogram your subconscious mind so that your behaviour supports their life goals, I teach you mindful meditation to be authentically present and emotional regulation tools so that they don’t get internally or externally triggered by other people’s behaviour.
If you’ve tried tons of other coaches and never felt that anybody got it quite right, it’s possible that I can help you where they couldn’t. Feel free to Schedule a call with me to explore the possibility.