In the second video of the Release series let’s talk about criticism.
There are three parts to this.
⏰TIMESTAMPS ⏰
0:00 In the first part, I share with you a DBT technique to help you emotionally regulate
8:00 In the second part, I talk about the behavioural part that helps you to gain as much clarity from the feedback piece
18:00 And in the final part, I talk about the emotional shadow work to heal that visibility wound piece with an easy framework
All three prices are important so you feel equipped to handle criticism.
Would you rather be competent and confident when sharing your genius with the world? Or would you rather spend the who knows how many years hiding your genius because you’re recovering from the wounds of criticism?
Just like you have for the last who knows how many years?
Now that you’re clear on the exact process to overcome criticism click here 👉 https://ruth-ellen.com/now to see if you’re a good fit for working with me so that you can integrate this work in your everyday
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About me: I am an Intuitive Coach & Healer. Founder of The Unapologetically Visible Youtuber, Podcast Host and Trainer. My mission is to equip high achieving women to heal their own visibility wounds so they can create consistent income and have a freedom-based lifestyle.
Healing & income statements made by this video are ONLY examples of what others have achieved. There is no guarantee that you see these results as they differ by individual.
WHY DO THEY ATTRACT FRIENDSHIPS IN THEIR LIVES THAT DRAIN THEM AT AN EXPONENTIAL LEVEL?
Why do they not have the income, influence and fulfil there full potential? Why do they have careers that don’t fulfil them in a way that they deserve?
Many will tell you it’s a worth issue. I don’t agree
It’s not a worth issue. It’s a way of SURVIVAL
Survival mode is an adaptive response to help us survive danger and stress. It’s dangerous and stressful to not fit in.
You dim to fit in to survive.
You dim to fit in because we live in a culture that has taught you to attach labels to those who don’t ‘fall in line’ as aggressive… Arrogant Difficult Loud and obnoxious.
You dim to fit in because we’re taught you that you need to behave in a certain way to make others feel good.
You dim to fit in because we’re taught to adapt or ‘code switch’ to keep our job’s, social circles and level of lifestyle.
You dim to fit in because we’re taught to go along with the behaviours of the majority because you’re only the ‘minority’.
You’ve been doing this for most of your life that it’s become habitual. Yet your subconscious beliefs are driving your “fit in patterns”.
On a behavioural level if you don’t act like you can be unapologetically visible & shine without dimming to fit in then it doesn’t matter how many mindset shifts you make – you’re not going to see lifelong changes if you keep falling back into the fit in the pattern of behaviour. You will always find another reason to bite your tongue, code switch, basically contract into old behaviours so you dim to fit in again.
Understanding your patterns of behaviour is key. The piece that most of the clients miss before working with me is being equipped with tools on a mental, emotional, behavioural and energetic level to shift their state.
The constant labelling, code-switching, self-doubt, external validation by others; it changes when you unapologetically shine while feeling like you fit in on that deep cellular level.
This is some of the work that I do with my 1:1 clients in my 3-month coaching package for professionals who have trauma to heal around being seen & heard unapologetically. I help you shift those “fitting in” patterns that up until now have been used for your survival. Now that you’re ready to shift out of your lifetime pattern of the labels, code-switching, external validation, and self-doubt .
Click the button below to see if you are a good fit for one of my programs and grab a strategy session to help you with your visibility in the next 90 days
Maybe you’ve journaled those shadow work journal prompts but you’re still getting triggered by the same situations. Maybe you’ve answered the question but you have an inner knowing that somethings still missing. Maybe you’ve completed a few questions and that alone drained you.
The Reason Why Shadow Work Is Draining
There is a reason
Sitting down in suffering mode all weekend or any day for that matter is not fun
Shadow work is often penned as this serious integration work.
Being in a state of seriousness when it comes to change is painful, there are easier ways!
Here’s the deal you may believe that shadow work is serious because you’ve been taught personal development is heavy.
Our culture tells us that shadow work is serious because we’ve been taught that’s growing pains are part of adulting.
The subconscious actually welcomes play…
Why do you think 🤔 social commentary comedians hold our attention more than politicians ever will 😅
The shadow much like Peter Pan’s own shadow was actually designed to be FUN
Cognitively when you lean into playtime you create easy neural pathways that help you create habits that serve you while bypassing the logical part of the brain that often resists change
How To Use Netflix To Do Shadow Work
So here’s what this process looks like with Netflix:
You’ve got a set of questions to think about like…
😛 Where are you being destructive in your life choices?
😛 Where is negativity showing up in your everyday?
😛 What part of your life are you unwilling to rebuild?
And you can answer this by watching Cobra Kai.
Yes! Cobra Kai which was recently was added to Netflix
I can’t get enough of this show
I spent the weekend watching it in my room
I actually growled at my daughter when she disturbed 😳 me from watching it
Side note: I don’t do talking in the cinema either
I haven’t been this obsessed with a show since The Umbrella Academy and before that, it was Gilmore Girls
Back to Cobra Kai and shadow work😜…In one episode of Cobra Kai, you observe that Johnny keeps on making assumptions, speaks without thinking, and shoots himself in the foot.
What archetype does that sound like? Yes…the Saboteur.
The saboteur is one of the many archetypes (characters) that we can identify with
When dark the saboteur is self-destructive, negative and has an unwillingness to rebuild.
Johnny’s character was playing out this identity because he felt rejected.
This rejection was to help Johnny redirect his life so he could rebuild
But Johnny kept on focusing on the dark elements of the saboteur so was unable to see the light
Johnny sees the light in the saboteur when he PAUSES & reflects on his life choices
That’s the medicine AKA gift of the saboteurs
Because like Picasso once said “Every act of creation is, first of all, an act of destruction”
and that’s what you will discover when you become a master observer for the specific archetype you’re playing with
Then when it comes back to dealing with our shadow self
😛 Where are you being destructive in your life choices?
😛 Where is negativity showing up in your everyday?
😛 What part of your life are you unwilling to rebuild?
It gets much easier to pinpoint because you’re relaxed, open and detached because you’ve seen it play out on the big screen 😎
When you are not in the relaxed, open state to do this work, this is what normally happens …
You fight with the saboteur and stay in the dark because you don’t want to feel
But it isn’t for one day, it can last months, weeks, years and decades of avoidance
In order to do the integration work, we must sit with the dark parts from a place of compassion (I guide you to do this with my MC ICE framework).
The reason why I encourage my clients to not bypass the feeling is that it’s the feeling that often sparks the trigger
And it’s the trigger that needs the readjustment
We reprogram the association with the new feeling to do that integration work.
There are parts of Johnny’s story resonates with the parts of us that feel rejected.
Watching Netflix is just some of the creative playwork I encourage my clients to do based on their behaviour type.
Some people choose Netflix, others choose painting, others choose dancing, whatever it is I honour their behaviour type
The point is to there are no rules to playing with the shadow
This is some of the work that I do with my 1:1 clients in my 3-month coaching package for professionals who have trauma to heal around being seen & heard unapologetically.
I also equip you with tools to be visible, connect with your soulmate clients with ease without having to have a large following. PM me by clicking here if you’re interested in this program and we will chat on messenger to see if you’re a good fit; if so, we can get you started right away.
Liked this post? Share, comment & connect with me for more
How To Thrive In Motherhood – Episode #9 Of The S.H.E Can Show
The S.H.E Can Show believe that labels are for jars and not for people, we share how guest shift, heal and expand so that you can do that too. Hosted by Ruth-Ellen Danquah hypnotherapist with a mission to empower all women to show up as their badass self in their business through crushing, crumbling and destroying vows to play small using hypnotherapy. Today’s show features Irene Mckenna!
Hey S.H.E. Can show listeners…I’m an empowerment coach for moms ready to experience motherhood differently. I help moms cultivate a life-enhancing reality and find the joy, harmony, and peace in motherhood. We’ve been fed a lie that a good mother is selfless. We’ve given away our inner power and lost our confidence, compassion, and love for ourselves. I believe thriving in motherhood is a mindset that we uncover. I’m the owner and founder of Irene McKenna Coaching, LLC and The Empowered Mom Project.
I was the frustrated, overwhelmed, and stressed mom stuck in the cycle of reactivity and unhappiness just a few years ago. Disconnected from my kids, my husband, and most of all myself. As I took my life back, I became a certified health, transformational, and parenting coach. I’m fascinated by the mind/body connection, NLP and relationships. I believe when moms thrive we have the power to shift future generations.
How Irene McKenna can help you thrive in motherhood…
I help moms go from overwhelmed and feeling inadequate and unsure to empowered and confident. She learns to nurture her inner power and create influence and no longer waste energy trying to get life to behave.
We need both if we are to walk our spiritual paths with courage and intelligence.
Your head (logical mind), heart (emotional mind), and gut (stomach mind) work together with your intuition so that they can all be in agreement . The result of this alignment is so you don’t war with yourself, resist or backtrack through indecision; which means decision-making and action becomes a whole lot easier.
Told you it was interesting!
Why can’t you trust your gut, heart and head separately?
Great question, here are a few reasons
The issue with the logical mind – The head holds some cognitive biases. As a result, we have to tap into cognitive biases tools to overcome problems like information overload, lack of meaning, the need to act fast, and how to know what needs to be remembered for later.
2. The issue with the heart – The heart can store past hurts and often feel guarded. Faith is the andecdote to trust issues but often we lack faith because we hold onto past hurts as a form of protection. As a result faith doesn’t get a look in.
3. The issue with the gut – When your gut is off, you likely feel symptoms such as bloating, constipation or gassiness. Your solar plexus chakra and sacral need to be healed. As a result this can lead to a leaky gut which can cause symptoms including fatigue, brain fog, depression, anxiety, memory loss, and other brain-based disorders.
Your gut health has a huge impact on our overall health and wellbeing. As a result of the three minds being in alignment you make decisions for a healthy holistic place.
What does trusting your gut even look like?
This is how I like to think about it…Older people aren’t wiser because they are old, they’ve just made more mistakes that you can learn from, trusting your gut is learning from your mistake, it is being wise!
You go to the supermarket and pick up some cherries even if it is not on your list and then find Cherries was the key fruit you needed that gave you more pep in your step!
You go to a job interview you get a feeling you should ask a question that will turn the outcome on it’s head you ask and as a result you get the job
You have a feeling to comment on someone’s post on instagram and that person replies, looks at your profile and decides to purchase from your shop
So what is trusting your gut great for?
Trust your gut if you want to achieve your goals. The result of trusting your gut is that you feed your desires rather than your F.E.A.R.S .
So let’s talk about desires for a moment, because it is an important topic and more than likely something you work on accomplishing or sabotaging daily (depending on what you’re feeding).
The very word desire comes from the Latin root words De Sire, which literally means “Of the Father”
Confession: The meaning I discovered from Jen Sincero after listening to You Are A Baddass at Making Money for like the 10th time ?. When Jen said your desire is given to you by your father I finally got it no wonder…
Ignoring our desires doesn’t’ work.
Suppressing our desires doesn’t work.
Replacing our desires doesn’t work.
Sabotaging our desire doesn’t work.
Living from disordered desire doesn’t work.
What does work?
Living a life of true desire is what works. As a result you are fulfilling what God has placed in you, what is already yours in the spiritual.
Jesus says in, in John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”1
How to know your gut is feeding your desire of your heart
I used to watch the show Lucifer (the now cancelled Lucifier ?)
And now, back to the show Lucifer… he would always ask people he was questioning what is it you truly desire?
Those desires that Lucifer plies out of people are ones that are riddled with shame that are not of your heart
This was a desire born out shame, repressed feelings that isn’t aligned with head, heart and gut. As a result of being misaligned we trade our peace for other people’s anxious ridden thoughts and let them become ours.
How do you know if the desires of your heart are from God?
We have peace. As a result our head, heart and gut are aligned
Because it’s a peace, an inner knowing that passes all understanding which isn’t mental.
It’s spiritual.
We have to have peace in our Spirit to truly know if it’s of God or not.
If the peace that passes all understanding is not there, then it’s not of God.
So what is your heart’s desire?
In my forthcoming book, I talk about how to shift your desire into steps so you can attain your D.E.S.I.R.E by going for what you want with a DETERMINED mindset, knowing you are ENOUGH being STRATEGIC to get it while following your INNOVATION INTUITION which aligns the head, heart and gut so you get the RESULTS that are aligned for you all while having the right ENERGY before, during and after!
How do you strengthen your gut to achieve your desires?
You strengthen your relationship with your gut so that you can feed your desires and starve your fears.
All relationships require one thing to build trust and that is time.
You dedicate time with your spiritual side because that is the foundation of everything. When you trust yourself, the divination tools will be more effective and your crown chakra
Dedicate time to a morning routine that helps to feed that desire, which includes cultivating meditation
How to strengthen your gut by breaking it down
Taking daily steps towards your desire by breaking down your goal. After all, the law of attraction has the word action in it. Use a combination of masculine and feminine energy to achieve your goal and learn ways to be more improve your productivity so you can complete projects faster
For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:8
So how to trust your gut? Cultivate a spiritual practice
Cultivate a spiritual practice so you can get into alignment using the mind of the head, heart and gut.
When you trust your gut you are deciding on putting faith in action, keep going it pays dividends
Ready to get into alignment?
Often the fear of taking the next step is strongest when we have goal trauma (due to previous goals not being achieved). It manifests as “I am not good enough” or “I will look foolish when I fail”, and constitute what can be called an “inner critic”. Most of the time, we are unaware of the influence of this inner critic.
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Disclaimer: Some of The links are share are affiliate links which mean I gain a small commission on each sale at no extra cost to you. When you click the link above and make a purchase you are helping me to continue my work on this channel for free.
