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We often hide everything that is considered ugly, bad, shameful, weird, taboo or socially unacceptable.
This in turn becomes a shadow, the part of us that contains the parts of us that have been shunned, denied, rejected or otherwise negatively condemned by our parents, family members, and different pockets of society growing up.
I realised as a neurodivergent, black woman from a British African background that I was masking as a form of protecting myself from the shame and pain of being me
Do you ever feel like you’re not quite sure who you are or what you want in life? If so, shadow work might be for you! Shadow work for beginners is a process of exploring the parts of yourself that you’ve hidden away or denied. It can be challenging but also incredibly rewarding. In this blog post, we will provide 50 shadow work prompts to help get you started. If you’re ready to find more clarity and self-awareness, then give these prompts a try!
As a trauma-informed coach, I often encourage my clients to do shadow work for healing.
Why? Because it is a powerful way to become more self-aware and to heal old wounds. If you’re not familiar with the term “shadow work,” it simply refers to the process of exploring the parts of yourself that you’ve hidden away or denied. This can be anything from your fears and doubts to your dark thoughts and secret desires.
In order to bring your whole self to work, you need to accept your whole self. This includes the light and the dark. The parts of you that you’re proud of and the parts of you that you’re not so proud of. We all have things about ourselves that we’d like to keep hidden away, but those are often the very things that need to be addressed in order for us to heal and move forward.
Whenever you are triggered by someone or something this is indicative of a shadow part of self that needs healing. It’s an opportunity to explore the wound that is being activated and to do the necessary work to heal it.
It’s important to remember that shadow work is not about getting rid of the parts of yourself that you don’t like. It’s about accepting all of who you are – the good, the bad, and the ugly. We all have aspects of ourselves that we’re not proud of, but that doesn’t mean we need to get rid of them. Shadow work is about learning to accept all parts of yourself so that you can move forward in life with more self-awareness and clarity.
If you’re interested in doing shadow work, then I encourage you to give these prompts a try. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to do shadow work. Just go with whatever feels right for you. And don’t forget to be gentle with yourself. This is a process of self-discovery and healing, so go easy on yourself if you stumble along the way.
What are some things you’ve been avoiding or denying about yourself?
What are some things you’d like to change or improve about yourself?
The Benefit of Shadow Work Exercises
You can’t heal what you don’t reveal.
As a trauma informed healer I know that
Shadow work is the practice of exploring everything that is buried within you – whether light or dark, positive or negative.
Through the simple (but often confronting) process of introspective journaling, you are taking a vital step towards living a more harmonious, joyful, whole, and meaningful life.
The benefits of shadow work exercises include:
MATURITY
CLEARER PERCEPTION
IMPROVED RELATIONSHIPS
CREATIVITY
ENHANCED ENERGY AND PHSYICAL HEALTH
The downside to repressing parts of ourselves is that this part of ourself begins to fester and amplify, sabotaging our lives.
How do you practice shadow work?
The following shadow work prompts will help you to do the wholeness work, which is imperative if you want to finally stop self-sabotaging, if you haven’t seen my previous post on how to do shadow work then go check it out because it helps you create the container for real transformation.
What are some good shadow work prompts?
The prompts that are good ones are ones that make you really uncomfortable
The ones you actually explore
The ones you learn to create new stories from
The ones that you give yourself permission to feel
Think about it like this
If you can ask questions that you already “know” the answer to
But you are still living in a misaligned way that goes back into survival mode
Spend some time reflecting on these questions and see what comes up for you. Then, choose one or two of the shadow work prompts below to start with.
Shadow work can be challenging but also incredibly rewarding. It’s an opportunity to get to know yourself on a deeper level and to heal old wounds. If you’re ready to find more clarity and self-awareness, then give shadow work a try! Here are 50 shadow work prompts to get you started:
50 Shadow Work Questions To Help Integrate Your Wholeness
The following shadow work prompts will help you to regulate your emotions so that once you explore these they will no longer be the albatross around your neck, sabotaging you unconsciously
1. What things have triggered you this week? Consider where those irrational feelings stem from.
2. What don’t you want anyone to know about you? Think about where you may be masking in your life and how much energy you will claim back when you stop
3. How judged do you tend to feel ona daily basis? And if you were to explore these judgements how many of these would be self imposed?
4. Pinpoint something that’s really frustrating/upsetting you at the moment. Now think of your fav comedy and write from that perspective
5. How can you begin to give other people more space and acceptance to be themselves around you?
6. When you think of the people that have hurt you in your life, how has that changed how you show up? Write a letter to yourself claiming back your spotlight
7. Where in your life are you playing small? And what does like look, sound, feel or smell like when you are playing small (what are the indicators, so you can spot it in the future). Answering this question to help with expansion
8. What positive traits do people always say about you? And what do you have trouble accepting about these traits?
9. What causes you to get angry or defensive? And what is the earliest memory that this pattern derives from?
10. Where in your life do you tend to expect other people to agree with your beliefs? (And what is the energy you give off when others don’t agree with you?)
11. What’s the one thing you know you need to do but keep avoiding? Write it down. Then write a step-by-step description of actually doing it. Include every action which would need to be involved in order to get it done. At the end of the exercise, explore how you feel.
12. I feel like I’m not good enough.
13. I’m afraid of being rejected.
14. I’m afraid of being alone.
15. I’m afraid of not being good enough.
16. I feel like I’m not worthy of love or attention.
17. I feel like I have to be perfect.
18. I feel like I’m not doing enough.
19. I feel like I’m not good enough at _.
20. I struggle with _.
21. I have a hard time _.
22. I feel like I’m not enough _.
23. I feel like I need to be more _.
24. I feel like I should be further along in life by now.
25. I’m ashamed of _.
26. I’m embarrassed by _.
27. I hate _ about myself.
28. I’m disgusted by _.
29. I feel like a failure because _.
30. I feel like I’m not living up to my potential.
31. I feel like I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing with my life.
32. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing with my life.
33. I feel lost and confused.
34. I feel like I’m just going through the motions and not really living.
35. I feel like life is passing me by.
36. I feel stuck.
37. I feel like I’m in a rut.
38. I feel like I’ve hit a wall.
39. I feel like I’m stuck in the same cycle of _.
40. I keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
41. I feel like I’m repeating the same pattern in my _.
42. I feel like something is missing from my life.
43. I have a sense that there’s more to life than this.
45. I feel like I’m searching for something but I don’t know what it is.
46. I feel like I’m missing out on something.
47. I want _ but I don’t know how to get it.
48. I want _ but I’m afraid of _
49. I want _ but I don’t know if I’m worthy of it.
50. I want _ but I don’t know if I deserve it.
Take some time to reflect on these shadow work prompts. What resonates with you? Choose one or two to focus on and start exploring your shadows. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to do this. Just go with whatever feels right for you. Be gentle with yourself and trust that you will find your way.
Start by simply becoming aware of the shadows in your life. What are you avoiding or denying? What do you judge about yourself? What do you feel ashamed of? Spend some time journaling about these things. Write down whatever comes to mind, no matter how dark or difficult it may be.
The goal is not to get rid of your shadows but to understand and accept them.
* Disclaimer* Healing & income statements made by this video are ONLY examples of what others have achieved. There is no guarantee that you see these results as they differ by individual. Some of the links mentioned are affiliate links, the product is at no extra cost to you but helps to keep this channel.
In this video let me give you a quick visibility tip so you love the sound of your own voice
It seems like being visible and paid is causing you some stress. Would it be ridiculous to believe that you get to be paid and visible in a fun way?
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When you people please it’s another ADHD mask of protection to help you fit in, so how do you stop being please when you have ADHD?
Let’s dive more into why it happens
Individuals with ADHD may be particularly susceptible to people-pleasing behaviour due to certain underlying factors. ADHD is characterized by difficulties with executive functioning, such as impulsivity, inattention, and poor self-regulation. These challenges can contribute to a heightened need for external validation and a fear of rejection or disapproval.
Moreover, living with ADHD often brings a sense of feeling different or inadequate. People-pleasing can be an attempt to compensate for perceived shortcomings and gain a sense of belonging or acceptance in social settings. The desire to fit in and avoid criticism or judgment can lead individuals with ADHD to prioritize the needs and expectations of others over their own.
How Executive Function Response Inhibition Plays a Part
Executive function response inhibition, a cognitive process that involves inhibiting impulsive responses, plays a significant role in people-pleasing behavior. Individuals with ADHD may struggle with response inhibition, making it challenging to think before acting or saying yes to every request.
The difficulty in regulating impulsive reactions can lead to a pattern of automatically saying yes without considering the impact on one’s own priorities, time, and well-being. This lack of response inhibition can make it challenging for individuals with ADHD to set boundaries, assert themselves, and prioritize their own needs.
In conclusion, people-pleasing behavior is a common struggle for individuals with ADHD. Understanding the underlying motivations and the role of executive function response inhibition can help in developing strategies to overcome this tendency and establish healthier boundaries. In the subsequent sections, we will explore practical tips and techniques to stop people-pleasing behaviour when living with ADHD.
How do I know how to stop being a people-pleaser?
Because I used to say yes to taking on clients when inside I meant no… people pleaser sign
I would change my outfit whenever my partner (now ex) would say that my clothes weren’t appropriate… people pleaser sign
I would look at my calendar and realise only 10% of the things that featured on it were actually moving my life goals forward… major people pleaser sign!
I am a recovering people pleaser
Being a people pleaser was actually doing me more harm than good
But it was a survival mechanism to feel accepted by others
And if you’re reading this then you know that this is what is happening to you too, here’s the good news, you are going to learn how to stop being a people-pleaser
Here’s the even better news, because of these techniques you can start to experience all of this ?
? More time and energy for self care so you can bring more joy
? Saying no becomes less scary, it actually feels empowering
? Stress reduction because you are not ignoring your own needs
? More unconditional love because people that are only there for you based on your actions will drop off byt the wayside #byebyefakefriends
In video #3 of the Release series let’s talk about
✔️ How people pleasing shows up in your everyday ✔️ 5 techniques that help you eradicate people-pleasing you can try today ✔️ And my 6 step framework that helps you to ascertain the gaps in your self-esteem and self-image
3 Tips On How To Stop Being A People-Pleaser
1. Get clarity on your priorities
When you get clarity on what is important to you and how it elevates your life it get’s a whole lot easier to say no to other people’s agendas.
2. SAY “CAN I GET BACK TO YOU”
When you give yourself time to think about whether you can fulfil the request of another person you give yourself a chance to make better decisions. When we stretech ourself thin we stress ourself out, does it make sense to be stressed to make another person happy?
3. repeat back there request
Chris Voss Masterclass on Negotiation is one of my top 3 masterclasses. Here’s one of Chris’s golden nuggets of wisdom…Asking a why-question actually triggers a defensive, accusatory response. Meanwhile what and how helps a person feel they are in control.
Here are some examples…
How am I supposed to do that?
What’s going to happen if I do that?
How do I overcome the challenges that I have here?
They are the same question, asking from 3 different angles, which in turn triggers empathy
5 Quotes To Stop People Pleasing
“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.”
Shannon L. Alder
“In trying to please all, he had pleased none.”
Aesop, Aesop’s Fables
I want to do good, and I want people to be happy, and sometimes when you’re a people pleaser, you spread yourself too thin
Tika Sumpter
As much as I don’t want to admit it, I really am a people pleaser. If I throw a party at my house, it’s hard for me to relax. I’m too obsessed with whether everyone’s having a good time.
Rachael Harris
“Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?”
Brigham Young
It costs you money, time and energy being a people pleaser.
I help high achieving ADHD professionals (including neurodivergent’s) to stop people-pleasing as part of my work.
I equip you with tools to cope with trauma, adversity, and hardship.
I reprogram your subconscious mind so that your behaviour supports their life goals, I teach you mindful meditation to be authentically present and emotional regulation tools so that they don’t get internally or externally triggered by other people’s behaviour.
If you’ve tried tons of other coaches and never felt that anybody got it quite right, it’s possible that I can help you where they couldn’t. Feel free to Schedule a call with me to explore the possibility.
